what book are you reading?

it's always the same cycle.

boy meets girl. boy befriends girl. boy become girl's good friend. girl shares stories with boy. boy falls for girl. girl falls for other boy. both of them just friends.


been wanting to ask her, on how actually she came up with the conclusion that although i'm a happy and cheerful person, i'm actually "pemarah". was surprised when she posed me that statement. and the thing is i had to agree with her. well, only those selected few had the opportunity of seeing me lost my temper.

she told me that it is true that a happy and cheerful person has that "temper" within him/her.

oh, so it was a general theory. she was trying to prove that theory by confirming it with me. and i thought that she has this technique of reading people's behaviour.

but then again, quoting from my best buddy-soon-to-fly-to-vienna, i am an open book. it is easy to read me.

am i?

LOL

of all transfer rumours i read from BBC, this is the most hilarious!

MCKK should be in league of its own

u see, basically i'm the type who doesn't give a shit when people who clearly is politically-illiterate talked about their point of view in terms of what is happening now, with all the political statement and allegations.
u guys can write and share your view with the rest of the world, and i couldn't care less, regardless of whether those "facts" are indeed true or just stupid unfounded baseless rumours.

but when you talk shit about my alma-mater? that's another thing.

MCKK should be in league of its own <-- click here

read the comments below.
two words for those people.
You can kiss my beautiful arses and go straight to hell and fark urself.

oh, tu lebih dari two words.

ni yang buat aku tetibe nak nyanyi lagu motherrussia. oh, which by the way, Russia will be in the SEMI FINAL!!! woohoooo

saturday n sunday

in order to move on, i had to forget everything about her.

thus, regardless of how stunningly beautiful she was today, i had to ignore her. pretended as if she isn't there.

and i think i'm doing a stupid mistake by writing down about it here. this is sooo not going to help me in anyway.

OK, time to move on.

oh btw, Selamat Pengantin Baru to Kimi and Sha!

kimi is a bloke i knew back in 2003/2004, and we became good friends. we even initiated the SVU, together with Pe'et, Cipoi and Anas.

sha was introduce to me by myself, when i took the initiative to get to know her during our 1st year. we were in a mountain climbing expedition, and it all began during the 1st night of camping.

here's to a blessed and wonderful years ahead, lads!

wtf?

he should informed me earlier.

and now, all i could be is watching from the afar, like an ignorant bystanders, while he struggled all this while.

shit man, this year's like a cursed year for us Kelab Am peeps. well, in love life la kan. putus tunang, end of 5++ years old of relationship, rejection all the way, and luckily one of us maintained steady.. well, he's maintaining his single-dom. which upon translation, still no luck.

to my brothers, i can only wish you all the best. and i am truly sorry for not being able to be there for you guys. seriously guys.

sorry, from the deepest of my heart.

another screw up.

i just had to let her know. since it's hard to meet her face to face nowadays, i had to resort to the useless means of communication.
sms.

and the consequences,

i screwed it up again, big time.
and she replied with kind words, telling me dat d time will come, dat's for sure.
this time, i threw away my optimist hat, and don the pessimist mask.
and from it, i deciphered those words as "NO".

nevertheless, i'm quite relieved for i finally managed to let it out.
and now, i'm ready to move on.

the brick wall has been smashed. and there is nothing there for me.

at least, now i can breathe easily.

my personalDNA

i am teruja!

she asked me,
"what do you think of traveling rough and low budget?"
"still classifies. i don't want to jinx it"

clues given by her: train, beautiful architectures.

suddenly petang tadi, sense of excitement came rushing into me.

i am soo teruja!

please oh please.. lets make it happen!

police line - do not cross

since we arrived quite early yesterday, it was around 7pm, while the P Ramlee the Musical starts at 8.30pm, Alia requested for us to go someplace for early dinner. so we went to Kg Baru, and pusing2 to find this Kedai Bot at Jalan Daud.

had a good conversation about it's high time to move on, someone who i just knew, company bonus, shitty politician, and PPA. (hurmm... two of my bestfriends are getting good ratings. i wonder, i pulak bila ek?)

now that i have decided to move on, should a time comes when i might be given the chance to cross over the police line, will i have the courage to say "No, i don't want to. Enough is enough"? or would i succumb to "sekejappppp je"?

entahla.

beautiful weekend

saturday, 14th June

had a fanta-licious time playing paintball at Bukit Cerakah! am looking forward for next outing. should be around august la kot. please??

the 2nd season of P Ramlee the Musical is awesome! Musly Ramlee IS P Ramlee!
so, people asked, which one is better?
i must say, the 1st season's strength is at its storyline and plots. and not forgetting the "we are very happy... we're feeling so lucky~~~".
the 2nd season? my goodness. the acting, the singing. it's like watching P Ramlee himself on the stage, acting a character based on him.

sunday, 15th June

supposedly got 2 plans:
out with a friend OR go to office.

unfortunately, neither happpened. ended up, spent most of my free time catching up on the precious sleep.

thot of going out to watch a movie or something, tapi tak jadi. *sigh*

i need to sleep

it's 1.19am, and i just can't sleep.

lots of things happened in just a small frame of time.

received compliments from the SMs+Lene is back to Ireland, practicing her medical there+Lan has been selected to go for a training course overseas+she had a break-up+she just putus tunang+conversations with stalker+she hesitates, which proves everything+watched Kung Fu Panda+knew that there are others who spends their lunch time all alone, for no apparent reason+confronted Ms VP, and shared ways of improvement+we finally in good terms, again+i love my job

i just realised why ever since i started working with the Company, i don't talk much.
it has got to do with my line of work. HR.

there are loads of things that i would love to share with others. things that i think would erase the need for rumours and allegations.

unfortunately, i cannot. and i will not.

that's why i don't talk much nowadays. i'm afraid that i might ter-cakap things that is yet to be shared with the masses.

i don't talk nonsense much nowadays, because i believe that is just a waste of time.

i don't talk too much with people, because i find it uncomfortable to share some personal stuffs with someone who i just knew.

and i realised, all this while, i was having the wrong career impression.

i thought that just because i could talk, i would do best in marketing side.

unfortunately, that is incorrect.

i realised that i could talk to people, and i have high empathy to people. i guess i'm a good listener.

HR is where i am good in.

and i usually laugh in between conversation, not because i don't know what to say, it's just my way of acknowledging our conversation.

and she asked me the other day:

"ur laugh tu kan, is it dibuat-buat, or you memang suka ketawa?"
"why?"
"takdelah. u gelak macam bunyi ayam bekokok"

lepas tu aku gelak je.

(it's 1.33am, and i'm signing off)

i have my own stalker :)

i was strolling around in KLCC one fine evening, when suddenly my phone rang.

"helo azamil. ni ******* nih. eh, u kat mana ek?"
"i kat klcc. tgh jalan2 jap"
"i nak tanya u something la. u drive kan everyday?"
"yeap. btw, u kat mana?" (background bunyi bising2)
"i kat isetan, tgh beli kasut.. eh i call u balik kejap lagi"

"eh, u tgh jln with ur fren ke? sori kacau"
"no lah. i sorang2 je nih"
"boleh tak we meet up kejap. i nak tau pasal drive to work nih. u kat mana?"
"err.. i kat tower records. alaa..dekat ngan kfc and cold storage" (walhal actually on the way to toilet)
"ok. i'll meet you there k. bye"
"orais. bye"

(masuk toilet, answered the nature's call, was on the way out to shopping complex)

"u kat mana?"
"aaa.. u kat mana?"
"i kat depan tower records la ni"
"ok, stay there. satgi i sampai" (walhal this time dah nak nmpk dia)

(sampai depan tower records, dia plak kat dalam. browsing through the CDs)

"wassup?"
"ey sorry sgt2. i rasa macam stalker plak. keep calling you"

at that point of time, siyes rasa cam nak gelak je. *insert laugh track here*

so basically, here i am, officially announcing to the rest of the world.

i have a stalker! hehehe :)

hopefully she don't know the existence of this blog. if not, sure i die one! hahahhaa

and spent the whole petang sampai maghrib chit-chatting. and i guess we had good conversation. altho i guess most of the times i kinda bored her with my talking points. especially when asked me on why i have no girlfriend.

but that, is another story to be told at another time.

two emails today

One of my client (now i'm working at Group Talent Sourcing a.k.a Recruitment) sent me this email, with my Bosses (Manager and Senior Manager) and several other Managers in the mailing list:

Dear Azamil

Thank you very much for syndicating with us to gauge our requirement.
We truly appreciate the prompt and personal touch. All the candidates
are acceptable to us. Please advise whether they have been interviewed
and their earliest availability to join us (we will consider taking the one
who can join us at earliest).

Then, my manager responded this, while cc-ed it to my Senior Manager:

Good job. Please do not loose the momentum. As I said, view all needs for HRM Div as critical and see your clients personally. Now she has mentioned that, let her know immediately which of the candidates can come in ASAP.

life is good :)

why i am not pissed off with the price hike, and yet why i am mad with the price hike

why i'm not pissed off

• it is inevitable. current (which is now previous) subsidy structure could no longer support the high price of processed petrol, which has direct relation with the high price of crude oil price
• well, Malaysia's price is still relatively among the cheap ones in Asia region. (ok, by this time those friends in Malaysia will give snide remarks, while those working outside Malaysia will agree with me, yet will have that little smile at the corner of their mouth)

why i am mad

• days before the announcement, the message being delivered was totally unrelated. "The government is looking on restructuring the fuel subsidy, this is line with the high cost burdened by the government. These restructuring is targeted to be implemented in August. The Prime Minister will make an official announcement in this week". thus, i was expecting that the price hike is to be implemented sometime in August, and by that, rakyat would have ample time to re-adjust their living style. but nooooooo.....
  
• because the rakyat is hurling nasty remarks to Pak Lah. it is not his fault that the oil price in the global market is breaking price records every other day. but please put the blame on the Menteri Penerangan and Menteri Perdagangan Dalam Negeri dan Hal Ehwal Pengguna. they did not convey the correct message. all this while, the message that we received was as appended below:-

Kos bahan api ikut pasaran global selepas mekanisme baru skim subsidi diperkenal Ogos

KUALA LUMPUR: Harga petrol dan diesel di negara ini dijangka diapungkan mengikut harga pasaran global selepas mekanisme baru skim subsidi bahan api dilaksanakan kerajaan Ogos ini.

Pada masa ini, harga bahan api itu dikawal kerajaan dengan memberi subsidi yang besar, tetapi Menteri Perdagangan Dalam Negeri dan Hal Ehwal Pengguna, Datuk Shahrir Samad semalam berkata, kawalan harga minyak akan ditarik balik apabila mekanisme baru skim subsidi dilaksanakan dalam tempoh dua bulan lagi.

Menerusi cara itu, katanya, harga bahan api di Malaysia akan mencerminkan harga pasaran global.

"Ia bergantung kepada harga pasaran global," katanya kepada pemberita selepas merasmikan Sidang Kemuncak Pembinaan Malaysia 2008 di Pusat Dagangan Dunia Putra (PWTC) di sini.

Ketika ini, harga petrol di negara ini selepas subsidi hanya RM1.92 seliter dan diesel RM1.58, jauh lebih rendah berbanding RM5.20 (petrol) dan RM4.33 (diesel) di Singapura yang mengapungkan harga bahan api itu.

Bagaimanapun, Shahrir berkata, kerajaan sedang menimbang untuk melaksanakan dua mekanisme pemberian subsidi iaitu menerusi penetapan kuota dan pendapatan tunai bagi mengurangkan beban rakyat.

"Kerajaan tidak boleh hanya menaikkan harga petrol dan diesel tanpa memberi suatu bentuk subsidi kepada rakyat, terutama golongan yang berhak menerimanya.

"Oleh itu, kerajaan sedang menimbang pelaksanaan dua mekanisme pemberian subsidi, iaitu sama ada menerusi penetapan kuota melalui penggunaan MyKad atau pendapatan tunai," katanya tanpa menjelaskan secara terperinci mekanisme itu.

Kelmarin, Shahrir berkata, penstrukturan mekanisme baru skim subsidi bahan api itu sudah dikemukakan kepada Kementerian Kewangan dan akan diputuskan Jawatankuasa Kabinet Menangani Inflasi.

Jawatankuasa itu mengadakan mesyuaratnya semalam bagi memuktamadkan pelbagai cadangan untuk pertimbangan akhir Kabinet, hari ini.

Ditanya sama ada Perdana Menteri, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi akan mengumumkan kenaikan harga petrol dan diesel serta mekanisme baru skim subsidi selepas mempengerusikan mesyuarat Kabinet hari ini, Shahrir berkata:

"Kita tidak boleh membuat keputusan lagi... esok (hari ini) perlu dilihat sebagai sebahagian daripada langkah penyusunan atau penstrukturan semula skim subsidi.

"Kita sedang meneliti langkah bagaimana untuk menaikkan harga petrol dan diesel di pam dan pada masa yang sama kita boleh membanteras penyeludupan, penyalahgunaan dan ketirisan subsidi.

"Kita perlu menunggu esok (hari ini). Pada asasnya adalah untuk meningkatkan harga petrol dan diesel di pam tetapi pada masa yang sama juga mahukan supaya subsidi sampai kepada rakyat," katanya.

Shahrir berkata, subsidi ke atas bahan komoditi itu dijangka meningkat daripada RM55 bilion kepada RM65 bilion tahun ini jika mengambil kira purata harga minyak mentah pada paras AS$136 setong.

Katanya, kerajaan juga kehilangan hasil pendapatan daripada peruntukan subsidi untuk bekalan minyak dan gas kepada Pengeluar Tenaga Bebas (IPP), sektor tenaga, sektor bukan tenaga dan sektor lain, khususnya di Semenanjung.

"Dengan jangkaan harga minyak di pasaran dunia terus meningkat, kerajaan perlu menyediakan tambahan peruntukan untuk subsidi bahan api berkenaan." katanya.

Kerajaan, Petronas tanggung subsidi bahan api RM36b

got this from Berita Harian. Statement from Hassan Marican.
if you need further clarification, do not hesitate to post it here.

KUALA LUMPUR: Kerajaan dan Petronas secara terkumpul masih memberi subsidi berjumlah kira-kira RM36 bilion bagi petrol, diesel serta gas tahun ini, di sebalik kenaikan harga bahan bakar berkenaan yang diumumkan, kelmarin.

Presiden dan Ketua Eksekutif Petronas, Tan Sri Mohd Hassan Marican, berkata berdasarkan penggunaan 11 bilion liter petrol serta 6.2 bilion liter diesel di negara ini tahun lalu, jumlah subsidi yang perlu ditanggung kerajaan bagi kedua-dua bahan bakar itu tahun ini ialah RM5.16 bilion.

Daripada jumlah itu, RM3.3 bilion adalah subsidi untuk petrol, manakala RM1.86 bilion lagi diesel.

Beliau juga menjelaskan, kerajaan masih memberi subsidi 30 sen seliter bagi petrol dan diesel di sebalik keputusan menaikkan harga kedua-dua bahan bakar itu, masing-masing sebanyak 78 sen dan RM1 seliter.

"Jika dicampurkan dengan bayaran tunai sebanyak RM625 setahun kepada pemilik kereta di bawah 2,000cc dan RM150 kepada pemilik motosikal di bawah 250cc, jumlah subsidi yang ditanggung kerajaan ialah sebanyak RM13.03 bilion," katanya pada taklimat media di sini, semalam.

Setakat akhir tahun lalu, jumlah kereta di bawah 2,000 cc yang berdaftar di negara ini berjumlah 10.7 juta, manakala motosikal di bawah 250 cc pula 7.9 juta.

Berdasarkan angka itu, jumlah pembayaran tunai kepada pemilik kereta di bawah 2,000cc ialah RM6.69 bilion, manakala pemilik motosikal di bawah 250cc pula sebanyak RM1.18 bilion.

Mohd Hassan berkata, Petronas juga masih memberi subsidi yang besar bagi gas yang dibekalkan kepada sektor elektrik dan industri, walaupun harganya dinaikkan antara 124 peratus dan 161 peratus.

Berdasarkan penggunaan tahun lalu, subsidi gas yang diberi Petronas kepada sektor elektrik dan industri tahun ini berjumlah RM23.4 bilion.

Beliau menjelaskan, harga baru RM14.31 mmBtu yang dibekalkan kepada sektor elektrik dan RM24.54 mmBtu kepada sektor industri adalah jauh lebih rendah daripada harga pasaran iaitu masing-masing RM44.42 mmBtu dan RM60.65 mmBtu.

Katanya, hanya kira-kira 30 peratus daripada gas yang dibekalkan itu adalah yang dikeluarkan sendiri oleh Petronas.

Pada taklimat itu, beliau turut menjelaskan antara 60 hingga 65 peratus daripada keuntungan yang diraih Petronas setiap tahun dikembalikan semula kepada kerajaan dalam bentuk cukai, dividen, royalti dan duti eksport, sementara bakinya digunakan untuk pelaburan semula.

Mohd Hassan berkata, tahun lalu syarikat minyak kebangsaan itu meraih keuntungan sebanyak RM86.8 bilion.

Daripada jumlah itu, RM52.3 bilion dikembalikan kepada kerajaan, RM7.8 bilion bagi bayaran kepentingan minoriti dan cukai asing, manakala baki RM26.7 bilion dilaburkan semula.

Beliau Hassan menegaskan, Petronas perlu membuat pelaburan semula bagi mengembangkan perniagaannya untuk memastikan ia boleh terus menyumbang kepada pendapatan kerajaan, walaupun selepas negara sudah kehabisan rizab minyak dan gasnya.

"Jika berdasarkan sumbangan Petronas kepada kerajaan tahun lalu sebanyak RM52.3 bilion, ia mewakili kira-kira 35.4 peratus daripada jumlah pendapatan Kerajaan Persekutuan tahun lalu.

"Bayangkan apa yang akan berlaku jika Petronas selama ini tidak melaburkan semula keuntungannya, tetapi menggunakan semuanya untuk subsidi," katanya.

Beliau berkata, sejak penubuhannya pada 1974, Petronas meraih keuntungan terkumpul RM570 bilion dan daripada jumlah itu RM335 bilion dikembalikan semula kepada kerajaan, manakala RM178.9 bilion dilaburkan semula.

Mohd Hassan berkata, Malaysia mungkin menjadi pengimport bersih minyak mentah menjelang 2011 jika kadar pertumbuhan penggunaan bahan api di negara ini yang kini sekitar enam peratus setahun berterusan.

Justeru, katanya, Malaysia perlu berjimat dan menggunakan bahan bakar dengan lebih cekap.

Mengenai tanggapan bahawa syarikat minyak termasuk Petronas kini meraih keuntungan besar berikutan harga minyak mentah dunia yang tinggi, Mohd Hassan berkata sebenarnya margin keuntungan dalam industri itu kini semakin kecil berikutan peningkatan tinggi kos pengeluaran dan cari gali.

"Walaupun harga minyak mentah meningkat kira-kira 100 peratus sejak tiga tahun lalu, kos dalam industri meningkat lebih tinggi sebanyak 200 peratus," katanya.

this is a selfish entry

i'm going to talk about something which is much bigger than the petrol price hike, or the increase of global food price.

i want to talk about me.

she told me she has to start saving money for her trip next month. so, she said let's go out next month. then i pointed out to her, she'll be off next month for a week or two, then when she came back, for sure she gonna need to save some money to make it through the month.

eventually, perhaps next next month la kot?

entahlah.

sometimes i found it quite amusing, thinking back on how i could tahan till this day.
well, people say, the harder it is, lagi berbaloi.
or is it?

i guess i'm gonna follow a friend's advise: wait till she asks you out. then jual mahal la.

then next question is: what if she never do that?

then have to move on la kot.

and after all these years, i am yet to raise the white flag. permanently.

entahla..

oh, before that. is there any other way for me to overcome this brick wall? i'm so attached to it that i found it's hard for me to turn my back of it. i need to go beyond this brick wall!

help!

phlegmatic vs sanguine

as much as i truly understand the well-accepted fact that life is not so fair, i always hold on to the belief that God is fair, and the only one who is perfect.

being a phlegmatic person, i don't actually mind if someone just came up to me and said, "hey, i know we are suppose to hang out together now, but came up, and afraid i can't make it". as long as the reason given is valid, then i guess i'll excuse that person.

but i always find myself in the opposite situation.

if i'm late to a meeting or something, others frowned.
if i had to make last minute cancellation, others say i am being irresponsible.
if i made a mistake or some awkward remarks, others remember till eternity.

add the guilty consciences, and i present to you: sleepless nights and feeling of insecurity. more like i am the guilty ones. and i had to apologise to all.


but i'm only human after all.


if i can accept, forgive and forget; why can't they?

now i understand why i am attracted to the serenity of being alone. just me and the nature.
no pre-conceived ideas, no pre-judgement, no high expectation from me. just me.

but then again, being a strong sanguine, it's my nature to be amongst people. have this feel to be accepted in the crowd.

clash of the personalities?

u decide.

neverending story of salary

most of my friends in the company, especially those working in the technical line, has this habit of complaining that the current salary is low, and not competitive with the market outside. they felt they deserve much more than what they earn right now. and conveniently forgetting that the fact that apart of basic salary, they are given extra allowance as well.

unlike us, working in non-technical areas.

did my best to educate them, to make them see from the bigger picture, outside their current scope; and although it seems that i am fighting a losing battle, glimmer of hopes came to me one fine day.

some of my friends managed to see things from my angle.
and that is good enough.