tidur

it was drizzling out there. i mean hujan lebat jugak la (ke sama je maksud dia?)

while i was lying on my bed, surfing the net (obviously facebook-ing), we were texting each other.

and just as i was about to reply to her text, i fell asleep.

an hour later, terbangun dengan sendirinya, and saw there's a new message in my inbox.

bunyinya seolah-olah begini, "aik? dah tidur dah ke siput?"

so i quickly replied to that, and unfortunately, i believe she's already asleep.

so, i continued facebook-ing, and writing this entry.

sekian terima kasih.

haih, tetiba tak sabar nak hari jumaat la pulak. nak balik. nak makan murtabak daging.

nota kaki:-

(siput sbb lmbt sgt reply sms/email hahahaha)

28th august 2009 - 31st august 2009 : KL

Abuya called just now, and Ummi said that she is more than happy to sponsor my flight ticket back to KL, during this coming long Merdeka weekend.

so i immediately checked Airasia and MAS website, and luckily there are seats available at AirAsia.

booked them, and voila. will be back home this Friday and back to my oh-this-is-where-the-heart-is land on Monday.

well, too bad for the fact that i will have to leave her during this weekend. or perhaps she already has plan for herself.

oh, i really have to get her that thing. else, mengamuk dia nanti hahaha

chow. it's raining, and i should be sleeping by now.

rambang nota # 102109210

alhamdulillah.. habis saatu hari ni... ada lagi doploh semilan.. sempat ke ek? dahla tadi membaca dalam keadaan separa sedar hahahahaha

teruskan berusaha, nobita!

gaji baru masuk semalam..

and by this time of writing, i only have RM20 in my wallet.

but,

i've cleared my monthly credit card payment,

i've cleared one of my credit card's outstanding amount (hence, i am no longer in debt to you CIMB bank!),

i've paid my telecommunication bills,

i've paid the utility bill,

i've paid my monthly commitment to GTS duit kutu team,

i've paid my rental fee, and

i've paid my monthly vehicle loan payment.

however, i am pretty sure i can make it through the month because,

it's Ramadhan, and i plan to break fast at mosque every working days,

my housemates are going to reimburse back their share of rental fee, and

my travelling claims should be paid within next week.

however, i might have to discount some of the revenue, due to,

i am yet to pay my share of ASTRO and installation fees,

i am yet to pay my share of household items bought last week and this week, and

i might be travelling back to KL by end of this week.

here's to wonderful Ramadhan, and may it brings the best out of us.

permulaan Ramadhan adalah rahmat , pertengahan adalah keampunan dan pengakhiran adalah hindar dari api neraka

so why?

a colleague of mine shared with me what happened during her sister's akad nikah.

before starting the akad nikah ceremony, the tok kadi asked the groom this question.

"so, kenapa anda nak berkahwin?"

i can imagine the guy's facial expression, when being caught off-guard by tok kadi.

so, i guess it seems natural to raise that question, when suddenly the kahwin thing was discussed during our non-work discussion via emails.

some, playing the role as the devil's advocate said, "sebab nak halalkan seks". they gave points, points that were taught to us during our schooling days during kelas Pendidikan Islam.

jatuh hukum wajib untuk berkahwin sekiranya tidak mampu menahan diri dan berkemampuan.

sunat hukumnya bagi mereka yang berkemampuan, dan masih mampu menahan diri.

however, most of us believes, it is more than that. marriage is more than menghalalkan seks.

but really, should one fine day, a tuk kadi OR your parents OR your grandparents OR your future in-laws ask you that question, what would you say?

"jadi, kenapa saudara mahu berkahwin?"

Movie Review: District 9

if i could only use one sentence to describe District 9, it would be,

"this movie showed the good, not too good, bad, not so bad, and bad-ass sides of human who will discrimanate when they can, and be charitable when they feel like; all in while able to swtich personalities in just split second depending on how he/she perceives the threat or condition"

Things Amil Will Tell You

excerpts from the soon to be published best-selling book, "Things Amil Will Tell You"..bila nak publish? entahla hahahhahahaha

so, she posed this question to us,

"korg, i have a problem and i think it's eating me inside, like seriously i sangat sensitive la skarang, why ar?"

so i told her, why:-

Well,
1) You might be keeping it to urself for a loooong time. Which is not good. Solution? You need to let it out, share with others. By doing so, you will feel that half of the burden already removed
2) Lack of self-confidence. Low self-esteem. Solution? Always think positive, look at the bright side, and always and always have good thoughts on the outcomes of the event
3) as a friend once told me, “stop and smell the roses”. Anyway, to at least see the glimpse of what the solution could be, disconnect yourself from the situation and try to see the issue from 3^rd point of view. What would other people do? What would others see? Also, pamper yourself. Not too much, but just enough to keep your mind off the issue for A WHILE.
4) Avoid having prolong escapism from the issue. You will still have to face and solve it, hence by running away or pretending it’s not there, is not a wise thing to do. As mentioned in point no.3, yes, you may take a vacation or have a long weekend to free yourself from the issue. But, avoid falling into the trap of feeling down and demoralized once the vacation ends. The purpose of the getaway is to refresh the mind, not to go away and hope things will fix on its own.
5) And not to forget, to every problem there is always at least a solution. Usaha, Tawakal, Do’a. Allah is always there for us.

Then she responded by saying,

well, what if i say im tired of just looking at the bright side i.e. living in denial!!!
sometimes (or rather most of the time) i keep things to myself because im too conscious, takut orang boring dengar what i have to say
and i dont know why, but i rasa when i talk, ppl dont listen. and i hate that and it hurts sgt when ppl dont
so i lagi rela keep things to myself
and i selalu rasa orang selalu take advantage of me, or condemn what i have to say just because i tak cepat marah

so i advised her

Love,

1. There is a fine line on living in denial AND looking at the bright side. Living in denial is like pretending that nothing happened, or if it does happened, it will fix by its own (refer to point.4 in previous advice). Looking at the bright side, in my context, is slightly different. You confirm with yourself that, yes, I am in deep shit. Then, think of positive things i.e luckily it happened to me now, not when I was in the toilet doing my daily business. Lepas tu, which even I myself found macam susah sikit, is to formulate plan how to make things better. And finally, work it out. Conclusion: get yourself back to reality, use God-given gift to think of how to get out of the mess, and implement the plan with all our strength (external factors are to be ignored)

2. You think people listen to me when I talk? Most of the time, they don’t. but who cares? You tell them because you need to let it out. If you tell them because you need their help or tips or guidance, then you have to be selective of to whom you’re talking to. When telling people, always have the purpose. Is it because I just want to let it out? Or is it because I want to get others opinion? I believe, most of the time, you want others to think for you. Hence, the disappointment when they cannot come out with any solution, thus making you feel like they are not listening. Anyway, kalau dok cerita2 dalam club, memang tak dengar la kot? Sumerang tgh sibuk dgr the glaring music from the nearby speakers. Conclusion: know your purpose of telling others, and know your audience. (macam I dok berleter panjang ni laa.. only u je yang maybe akan digest. The others, maybe akan baca sikit, pastu delete hahahaaha)

3. Take advantage of you? Condemn of what you have to say just because you tak cepat marah? Clearly you have low self esteem. Love, in my circle of friends, I selalu je kena buli/kutuk/kena target. But who cares? Don’t take them seriously. Kena sabar la sikit. Senang cerita, get out of that circle. If you’re stuck with them i.e office mates, have minimal contact with them.

4. Susah2 pun, express yourself by writing. Lately ur writing macam dah pendek2 kot? hahaha

lullaby

as the moon shines brightly,

and i lay on this couch, watching reruns of old Transformers cartoon;

my heart thinks of you.

yes you.

oh my soft, comfortable and tender bed.

i'm better off to sleep now.

wrestling

it has been a long time since i last watched WWE flagship program, Monday Night RAW.

and much to my delight, tonight's show was awesome.

top faces:

DX

John Cena

top heels:

Legacy

Randy Orton

and by now, i'm already pass the oh-how-i-miss-the-rock-and-stone-cold era.

lesson learnt #128198219

phew. i just serviced my debt of RM4000. still got RM1000 to go. and then, to keep servicing my monthly debt of RM500.

after much soul-searching sessions (cheit, walhal masa tengah termenung), i realised that most of the expenditures came from purchasing flight tickets BKI-KUL-BKI. well, ever since i'm here, my credit card usage is mainly to buy flight tickets.

only starting last month, i'm using the card to service my 24 months installment when i purchased the 40" LCD TV+DVD player+Home Theatre System. Hence, the RM500 monthly debt service.

so basically, i've spent all of my bonus on servicing my debt. the feeling?

much relieved!

Alhamdulillah, thank you ALLAH for the bounty.

when the eyes are getting heavier..

for how should i say this,

for the feeling i have inside of me.

shall i wait till the day ends?

shall i wait till the hostess rings the bell to adjourn?

or should i just plopped it when we are to meet early in the morning?

for every thought of your smile,

for every thought of your naughty words,

for every thought of your reminders,

for every thought of how i long to see you.

till then..

goodnight, and sweet dreams

1Malaysia

we met, went for a trip together, and we clicked. it can't actually remember how or when.

and now, we are much comfortable with each other.

there might indifferences between us, but those are the things that make us unique.

here's to 1Malaysia spirit.

learn to unplug, and what to when we're unplugged

it is imperative for us to unplug in order to recharge ourselves.

ironic, isn't it? unplug to charge?

we need to unplug ourselves from,

those thing that haunts us

those thing that makes us miserable

those thing that hurts us

those thing that loves us

and those things that affect us

and vice versa, ceteris paribus.

but remember, you can not and must not unplug from the spiritual inner self.

to Allah the Almighty, we must humbly serve, for we are nothing but his servant.

but are we a loyal and obedient one?

when we've think of this through, then automatically other connections will be plugged in back.

and walla, we are now fully recharged.

sempena bulan Ramadhan mubarak, sama-samalah kita saling mengingati sesama kita

i heart you...

sekali sekala jiwang kan... apa salahnya.

to those people out there, i heart you.

random entry 129182190

OK, enough about negative rantings.

life has been good for me. and i would like to officially announce that i am a slacker, and also a great procrastinator.

but i also tidak mudah untuk menggelabah. i am cool.

saya tidak lagi mempunyai stamina yang tinggi, dalam erti kata lain, saya sekarang kurang fit dalam aktiviti sukan badminton.

main tadi pun, menjadi lubuk yang berjaya.

so, this is like the longest stay for the past few months since i last moved to Sabah. approximately 6 days saya di Subang Jaya bersama keluarga. esok akan pulang ke Kota Kinabalu yang dirindui.

ya, kini KK adalah seperti kampung halaman saya. kenapa?

saya berasa lebih tenang di sana.

saya kurang melakukan aktiviti sosial di sana.

maka, saya lebih berjimat di sana.

email

so, Line is pissed off because there is no certainty on when the interview session will be held here. the previous attempt, which was called on at the last minute, was cancelled at the last minute as well.

i even told them, perhaps they might want to have ONE big session, whereby all the OPUs in the other side of Malaysia will be able to nominate and participate in the recruitment drive. Just let us know the date, and we will be more than happy to assist. you talk about cost-efficient measurement, so lets do a big one, and then reported that you have serviced the customer over here!

but till now, there is no news about it.

so, my Boss shoot an email to HQ, which in turn fwd it to Center.

and suddenly, my ex-SM sent me an email, requesting me to be their eyes and ears on latest happening in Line.

funny. because when they introduce new things, do they even bother to inform us upfront? when they implement new rulings, did they communicate with us?

i dont remember seeing any email coming from their side.

even an email sent much earlier, requesting talking points so that i could advise Line accordingly, was replied by a phone-call.

like seriously, u expect me to take verbatim of our phone call ke? and the conversation ended with, "ala Mil, ko dulu kan kat sini. tau2 je la how things work"

boy, am i happy to hear that! nothing changes. policy and new rules, yes. but style of work? nah. sorry syeena, u know i love u, but professionalism wise, this is bullshit.

when i read that email, i thought they might be thinking that i'm not doing my job.

so, i replied back the email to the now GM,

'with the new rulings and requirements introduced time after time, we are unable to provide consistent reasoning with Line"

the keyword is: Consistency.

yg aku panas tu, masa hangpa bagi aku M3, takde plak hantar email ke phone call ke. tau2 je dah termaktub dalam HRIS.

lantak pi laa.. kalo nasib aku baik, hari Jumaat ni aku dpt jumpa dia. time tu nak luahkan semua.

tengok lah apa respons dan jawapan dia.

ACD

i wonder why people dreaded so much about their ACD assessment. i mean, the purpose of the baseline assessment is for us to know where we are right now. i mean, for someone who has been in the industry for like 3 years ++, you should be able to answer some questions comfortably kan?

not!

not if you spent your precious 3 years in that same old department, doing the same shit over and over again. especially if you're at the HQ. i mean, performance wise, you might be seen as competent. but knowledge wise?

yo, kalau u have been doing the same thing for past 5 years, kalo tak excellent jugak, tak tau la kot. samada ko bodoh atau malas. i chose item no.1.

luckily for me, although PPA wise is not that menyakinkan, in the span of 2 years ++, i've covered 3 areas in my roles as a HR practitioners.

and if all goes as plan, upon my 3rd year, i'll be given a new responsibility.

so, i had my ACD assessment yesterday. before that, weeks before the assessment date, i asked my boss, "Boss, agak2 kalau dtg berlenggang boleh tak?"..he replied, "ko ni..bwk la dokumen ke bahan bacaan sikit. tunjuk depa hang ada some effort"

so, the day before the assessment, felt that i needed a half-day session to recap what i've gained throughout my colourful 2 years of experience. instead, i had to attend an audit discussion with my boss throughout the evening. OK, fine. i'll do that after office hour. But then, when the clock ticked 4.00pm, i realised that i wanted to watch Setem. then off me go to the cinema.

Came back home, decided that i should start studying. Sat in the living hall, turned on the TV, and sub-consciously inserted The Matrix DVD.

and i spent the night watching The Matrix, Matrix: Reloaded and surfing the net simultaneously.

owh, we just activated our internet access at home.

there goes my hope to study for the assessment.

next morning, came early to the office, skimmed through the manuals, and had a good breakfast.

went through the assessment, and the assessors feedbacks were encouraging. i validated my self-assessment on my gaps, and i will need to chart my career in order to close the gaps.

later today, before the assessors left the building, one of them came to me and asked, "dah berapa lama kau di E1?" i replied, "nak masuk 3 tahun dah".. he said, "OK la tu. Boleh progress dah".

Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah.

ye, apakah salah saya?

been a long time since i last updated my blog here.

customary updates:
1. our house, is now wi-fi area. nice!
2. i am a proud owner of 40" LCD TV, and a standard home theatre system. nice!

now, to latest ranting.
for those who care shit about this, i am in extreme pissed off mode on the implementation of this Forced-Ranking system.

yes, i believe aku memang patut laa kena, but still, if i remember, the superior is supposed to share with the staffs, on their final rating.

but nooo..

i got to know about my rating, not from my ex-superior, but from the system.

so, since we are the victim of this force-ranking system, the effect to us?

1. increment is 4% only, the same with those of rating 4
2. permanent record in our CV, which might dampen our progression opportunities
3. might affect bonus payout
4. demoralise gila2 kot as if macam tak kerja langsung last FY

i love the company, i am passionate about my job. but these thing? it made me thinking of my future in the Company. it nearly made me lose my faith in the system.

to make things worse, there are people who i truly believe does not belong in this group. but was victimised due to this shitty thing of wanting to maintain reputation.

bladi fark. just because aku di-transfer-out, ko suka suki letak aku kat the bottom 10%? dah la ko menyusahkan aku before my transfer movement. oi enchik, other manager, altho belum finalised, dah share dgn staff tau what's happening. dah kat EDC ke, dah confirm ke, apa ke. but ko? blah la wei. tak nak bagitau pulak.

and all these while, while others are kutuk-king ko, aku tak join pun. i hold on to my principles of not talking thrash about others. do unto others, what you want others unto you.

now i realised, i should just joined the pack.

anyway, all i need is a proper explanation. why i am in the bottom 10%? why am i victimised?

my target, to put it bluntly, is to hold a position whereby i will be able to tembak my ex-boss. ko tgk ah nnt.

tapi lepas discuss with ummi and abuya, it's best not to have this dendam thingy. so, all i want to achieve is, to hold a position much higher than him, then show him who's the boss.

eleh, takat tau pasal ambik orang kerja je, tinggi manalah ko boleh pergi.

ok, saya sgt pissed off.

mungkin dgn manager, mungkin juga dengan senior manager.

but as they say, hadapi dengan senyuman :)