this is not easy..

a friend shared on how her relationship ended. and all i can say was, "i guess i understand how the guy felt".

a friend shared on how suddenly the engagement was called off. and among my response was, "i think i know why he behaved like that".

"now i know how my ex-girlfriend felt..."
"no, you have to understand. we did that because...."
"hey, i did that to my ex, OK. so i know what's in his head..."

it's kinda depressing bila pikir2 balik. all this while, i've been behaving like a villain to my ex-gf(s).

i just could not muster enough courage to say this to you personally, so here i am, writing this down and share with GOD knows who lah kan.

if you are reading this...

i've hurt you before, so i'm seeking forgiveness from you.
it sucks to know that although you think you're doing the right thing, but eventually it hurts more than you expected it to be.
it is depressing to know that as much you hoped it is for the best, people get hurt so much along the way.
it is demoralising to know that earlier you thought that you are mending the cut, but you were actually deepening the cut unintentionally, leaving behind scars.
it hurts when you realised that the damage done is not like walking at the beach, where the waves clear the footprints left on the sands; but more like the carvings on trees and boulders.

no, i'm not writing this down because i want you back. i'm happy to know that you've moved on.
no, it's not because i'm regretting what i've done. there is no use crying over spilled milk.

i stand by my words, and i shall honour and live to it.

it's because only now i realised how you must have felt, and i'm sorry for that.