Our Last Meeting - Ms Stalker and i

after weeks of not seeing each other, apart from the occasional hello here and there, we met and headed to our favourite fruit stall.

on way back to the office, we decided to find a place to sit, as it was still early, and lo and behold! we went to the same place we sat during our first meeting. (the fact that it only struck me on my way back home tonight, meant that even she did not realised about it!)

so we talked on how's life been treating us and everything, and after couple of minutes for pleasant intros, she asked me directly, "So Azamil, be honest here, do you really like her?"

" You know what, Azamil, you are just too transparent. and you are just too nice "
" I'm sure she already know by now that you like her, given how transparent you are. So she basically either pretending that she does not know, or she wants to see how far you will go "
" If she tell you that she likes you too, i'm pretty sure you akan melompat, kan? it's ok to be teruja "

and then she said something that i did not expect to come from her.

" I decided that i cannot like you, i mean to be more than friends, because of two things. "
" i know that i cannot like you, when i know that you have 6 sisters. well, i dah bagitau you dari dulu lagi kan yang it's my personal preference. but katakanlah if we are an item or what, that will be the secondary thing lah"

which leads to her main point,

" you have lots of girl-friends. and you are nice to all of them. saying that, i see that you give all of your girl-friends same amount of attention and nice-ties. it's hard to see if there would be differentiation and special attention "

" plus, nanti sure you suruh i control my words and perangai. kan? haa.. see! anyway, even my boyfriend sekarang pun dah hint2 for me to control.. hahaha "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i guess people can easily read me like an open book, since Ms Stalker and Ms Jog managed to get kinda accurate impression about me.

pause and reflect

suddenly, the truth starts to sink in.

it's time to pause and reflect.

benci!

so we sat there by the lake, and talked about what the future might hold for us.

as if everything was planned, the nearby stall played our song.

and that was when i had to share the news.

"i just received my transfer letter. it has been confirmed, that i'll be going to Sabah"

"when will it be?"

"next week. i will need to report to my new boss on 1st april"

"benci!"

suddenly, silence engulfed us. as much as i'd like to avoid it, i couldn't resist the warmth and comfort brought by the silence to me. i felt connected to the universe, as if i was one with it. i felt calm, and the thought of why it couldn't be like this everyday came knocking on the door of my mind.

the serenity was interrupted with a failed attempt by her to hide the sobbing.

so i held her tight, and she laid her head on my shoulder, and continued crying.

not knowing what to say, what to do to console her, i just kept my mouth shut, and gazed straight to the office building at the horizon, beautifully lit as if to remind others that it is the symbol of this blessed nation.

while we were there, the radio at nearby stall finished playing our song.

and continued with another song, the one that used to be "our song" in my previous relationship.

deeper conversation

i've been listening to this song dah lama dah..

someone sent me this song at office. couldnt remember whom.

funny thing is, i did not even bother to check its lyrics.

then suddenly Naz posted this at her Facebook, and i'm hooked again to this song.

and the lyrics. my goodness.

remind me of someone far far away in the far-far-away-land.

bila oh bila

up to this time, i am yet to receive any formal indication of when i'll be off to the new place.

"When are you moving out of KL btw? Tunggu we balik first k."

how should i answer that?

random notes #1029102

she asked me, "am i the person you mentioned in the entry?"
and i replied, "am not telling. let's just keep it as a mystery, OK?"

played badminton last night, and a friend told me to ask her to come along. so i asked her to join us. and i also requested a permission to ask her directly one question.
"can i be direct?"
"yeap. nak tanya apa?"
"u dah ada bf belum?"
and the answer is as what as i expected.

later that night, on the way to badminton court, i told her, "all this while i've been asking you to come along for a game or two of badminton. and you never agree. but today surely is something". she said, "well, i cakap insya-Allah if i takde apa2 tonite". and we played the game, while she was there sitting, watching us and giving support to us all. and after the game, the lovebirds and i went our separate ways.

this is not easy..

a friend shared on how her relationship ended. and all i can say was, "i guess i understand how the guy felt".

a friend shared on how suddenly the engagement was called off. and among my response was, "i think i know why he behaved like that".

"now i know how my ex-girlfriend felt..."
"no, you have to understand. we did that because...."
"hey, i did that to my ex, OK. so i know what's in his head..."

it's kinda depressing bila pikir2 balik. all this while, i've been behaving like a villain to my ex-gf(s).

i just could not muster enough courage to say this to you personally, so here i am, writing this down and share with GOD knows who lah kan.

if you are reading this...

i've hurt you before, so i'm seeking forgiveness from you.
it sucks to know that although you think you're doing the right thing, but eventually it hurts more than you expected it to be.
it is depressing to know that as much you hoped it is for the best, people get hurt so much along the way.
it is demoralising to know that earlier you thought that you are mending the cut, but you were actually deepening the cut unintentionally, leaving behind scars.
it hurts when you realised that the damage done is not like walking at the beach, where the waves clear the footprints left on the sands; but more like the carvings on trees and boulders.

no, i'm not writing this down because i want you back. i'm happy to know that you've moved on.
no, it's not because i'm regretting what i've done. there is no use crying over spilled milk.

i stand by my words, and i shall honour and live to it.

it's because only now i realised how you must have felt, and i'm sorry for that.

jom kenali diriku ini

Try out this interesting personality test at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

got this thru Yanie kat facebook. cam chill je.

and see how well the description fits you.. Have fun! you decide how true it is!

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

What's your personality love style?

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

PHD

i actually stumbled upon this cartoon strip, through my Dilbert Comic Strip Firefox add-ons.
and now, i am hooked.

maybe you should too?

English as the teaching and learning medium

and now, they are against the using of English as the medium in teaching Math and Science.

personally, as someone who graduated from the system that used BM as the medium for Math and Science, i feel that the government was doing the right thing when they first introduced English to be used as the medium.

and i found it ridiculous when i stumbled upon this protest march against the English as the teaching medium.
and luckily i am so sleepy, i can't bring myself to laugh out loud this remarkable statement appeared in the International Herald Tribune

Many Malay teachers and linguists complain that a six-year-old policy of using English has hurt efforts to modernize their mother tongue and to develop a scientific lexicon in Malay.

wtf? how about the years BEFORE the implementation of current policy? have we not develop scientific lexicon in Malay? oh yeah.. forgive me. we did that.

atas talian
kayu ria
tetikus
peranti

and now, look what happened. we no more use atas talian anymore. we just put quote between the words, and presto, it is acceptable into Malay scientific lexicon.

"online"
"download"
"mobile"
"PDA"

look, i'm a staunch supporter in upholding our national language. it is an integral part in promoting.. sorry.. in uniting us all. but seriously. look around people. the media feed us with English programme day to day, and since most dramas in BM sucks big time, this creates a high demand for English speaking citizens.

you talk about how by using English diminish our national language. but if you observe current situation, don't you find it kinda funny when most of our signage, billboards and printed advertisements are all in English? and please don't let me venture into the "atas talian" world.

by not forcing people to speak and think in English, we are creating classes of people in Malaysia. just like what is happening nowadays. it's either you are good in English, so-so in English, or English cast-away. the former two are two types of people that could easily get employment in any private sectors. the latter? do they master BM?

and what's with this "aku-tak-puas-hati-jom-kita-berarak-dan-protes!" thingy? oh btw, i sensed a Malay-nised English word in that sentence.

the noble purpose of having English as medium for teaching Math and Science is because English is the global language of knowledge. Yes, the French and the Japs survived without English, but they have become isolated in their own world. and when they need to communicate with the rest of the world, they have to find translators.

gone were the days when BM is the lingua franca in the global world. but remember, in this Kepulauan Nusantara, BM is still the lingua franca of all Malay brethrens.

Do take a break for a minute, and think back. we are good in addition and subtraction becuase we were forced to know about it back in school, even during that time we just hate Math.
Don't you think we could apply those things in this English issue as well? by forcing our children to interact in English, they could master and become fluent in this language. hence, we might see drop in English-illiterate students.

and the only way to ensure that BM is still relevant, is by using it in our daily live.

random notes #231

verbally technically, i'll be off this 1st april (or earlier). but officially, they will only present my transfer paper on 13th March. hopefully all will goes well, and approved by their management.
and thanks to shasha for directly and indirectly involved in this. hahahahaha

and no, i did not go to Jason Mraz's concert, altho i bought the tickets 3 weeks earlier. had to go to Alor Gajah on wednesday, and returned back to Shah Alam on Thursday nite. am not sure i missed a lot or not, but the year is still long, and if i have the rezeki, then i'll be off either to London or NY just to watch Coldplay performing. hehe.

been meeting close acquaintance lately, as part of my "let's meet up with friends" before i'm off. on way back from Melaka, stopped by at Seremban to visit Aspa. and was quite surprised when he told me this relevation. among zamiliz.blogspot.com visitor is my ex-school mates, aside from the usual suspects. thank you dear readers for your support.

watched Watchmen with Aspa later that night, and OMG.. it was awesome. we both agree that

"this is not to be watched with your gf. well, unless she's a geek or love movie with serious tone"

those hope to watch mindless superhero flick, forget about it. this movie is less about men (and women) wearing spandex, but more on making you think and process all the info given throughout the movie. it was a rm9 well spent. for the storyline, the duration, and the cinematography and art direction.

found out that adik will be back on 1st april, together with Lan. camne ni?

p/s: i need to get me something for my birthday. but still cannot decide what to get. expenditure must not be more than rm500. any idea?

March 2009

hello March, goodbye February!

It was a fun filled February, all with the unexpected news, the celebrations, the joy and the sorrow February brought to us all.

if all goes as planned, March will mark the end of Volume 6 of my life.

and yeah, March is also the month of celebration!

1st March - M Nasir's show
2nd March - dinner with someone special (and bunch of others too)
4th March - Jason Mraz Melaka instead.
29th March - arrival of 2 crazy people from Europe

what else did i missed?

never forget that

perhaps i worry too much for her.
somehow i've forgotten that she is a grown up already. she can take good care of herself.

one more month to go. as of now, waiting for the official indication.

while that to happen, i'll just slowly disappear and blend into the background. not because i don't care, but because i care for what we are having now.

but if she ever needs me, i'll always be there for her.

and for you too.

never forget that.