.....syndrome of i'm-quarter-century-and-i'm-still-single!

i confessed to her, and she rejected. citing the reason of she does not want to lose the friendship.
and now, she is in the courting mode with someone.

people said that we should be together, but since we are platonic friends, it just does not seems to be the right thing. plus, she is being eyed by other people as well. so best not to rock the boat.

i think we should be together. but we confessed on our previous feeling when she was with her ex-bf. and now since we are mutual friends, it does not seems to be the right thing too.

help.

i'm experiencing the syndrome of i'm-quarter-century-and-i'm-still-single!

....Right Girl in Sabah.

i'm gulping down a pot of emotional cocktail.

i feel like crying.
i feel like shouting.
i feel like laughing.
i feel like sighing.
i feel like singing.
i feel like thanking everyone.
i feel like depressed.
i feel like i am full of love.
i feel like i have no love.
i feel like a loser.
i feel like a winner.

people around me are getting hitched or engaged. some are courting or in the process of getting to know each other.

me? i'm happy for them. lets pray for the best and happy undertakings. always know, that i will always be here for you guys.

went out with Syeena, Ilya, and Is to Look Out Point after our karaoke session tonight. well, one is excited about what will happen, one is enjoying the moment, and one is recovering.

and while they talked with each other, i silently went out of the group, and stood there in the dark. then it hit me.

if all goes as plan, i'll be starting a new life. all by myself.

am i ready?
am i gonna miss them all?
are they gonna miss me?

sent Syeena back home, and along the way she felt troubled with the latest development about our friend. gave her a long lecture along the way back to her house. hopefully, she'll remember it.

she said she won't survive in the office without me. oh, how i wish she is lying. perhaps it's time for me to let her be on her own? i ought to make her see, that her statement is false.

all i could do now, is to stop interfering in her office/social life, go and sit down at the touchline, and stop asking her questios. Because obviously she is not comfortable sharing all these with me.

oh yea, Man Utd vs Inter Milan is tonight. instead of watching it like a true Man Utd fan, i'm gonna hit the bed, and pray that we win the match.

p/s: had a wonderful day today. Kudin and Alin gave me a Barney (hurmm.. the last time i received Barney for my birthday, was like 2 years ago. Pijah gave it to me), and JC gave a slim tie. am so gonna wear it tomorrow. For those who texted, emailed, wished, and face-booked your birthday wish to me, THANK YOU very much!!

p-p/s: 4 people wished for me to find the Right Girl in Sabah.

Trip to Tawau

went to Tawau last weekend, to pay a courtesy visit to En Jamaludin and family, and also to pay our last respect to late Hasnih.

it was an emotional trip for me.

arwah and i talked about me coming down to Tawau to join her engagement session, before going off to Semporna and Sipadan for holiday. The plan did not materialise, and here i am, thinking of how things would be different if we continued with the plan.

and now, as i'm waiting for the clock to strike midnight, i found myself thinking about the future. what does it hold for me?

birthday wish

i was driving back home from the Golek-Golek session (please refer to previous post), when suddenly i remembered this question

"so, what do you want for your birthday?"

(it is purely coincidental that my birthday is coming soon.. on 24th February... hehehe)

to be honest, i don't care much about my own birthday celebration. well, except for the customary dinner celebration for my sister and i by the whole family, i don't recall ever having or throwing a birthday party bash in celebrating my own birthday.

i see... that must be the reason why i prefer not to eat cake.

anyway, i used to have my wish-list. how i wish i could have this and that for my nth birthday celebration. if i could recall, i always wanted to have:-

• teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures.. all four of them. including Master Splinter and Shredder!
• Transformers model, especially SixShot!
  
• GI Joe action figures
• Lego building blocks!
• Star Wars
• Dinosaurs model (well, you just not geek enough if you didn't like dinosaurs at that time)
• Play-doh ... it is cool playing with clays! and the machines made it even more cooler!

but now, as i've grown older, my wish list undergo drastic changes. most of the item in the list are already been replaced with the likes of X-Box 360, Dell XPS Laptop, PS3, and iPod Touch.

anyway, if you insist on knowing what i want for my birthday, please find my wish-list as below:-

• Star Wars figurines.. the voice-changer Clone Trooper helmet looks nice :)
• Lego building blocks.. preferably the ones with Star Wars element (read: clone troopers)
• one fine dinner at a Jazz club, listening to the sounds of saxophone and piano being played. ahh..bliss..

so, if you're thinking of buying me a present, i'm giving you some tips here! hahaha

night at Golek-golek

torn between hope-filled-with-excitement versus reality-scary.

for the past couple of days, been toying with the idea of going to NY with Zura, Sha, and Syeena. we even browsed through the net, to check cheapest airline ticket. the plan? is to celebrate christmas and new year in new york!

after doing some rough calculation, we estimated the amount of money to be spent in RM (as per current exchange rate) will be around RM8K. i guess to achieve that, i need to start spending wisely. as someone told me, "berbelanja dengan bijak dan berhemat"

the tonight, had a ayam-golek-nasi-lemak session with Jai, Cha'aint and Nazreen. i love hanging around with them. although for obvious reason we have this age difference, but they treated me at par with them. but the most important part is, we all came from different background, be it in professional life, or even educational background.

So Cha'aint, who's working for Bank Negara, shared with us of the situation of our economic now. "Challenging", he said. According to him, there are lots of areas expected to be afected with this "challenging" economic situation.

Then Jai, who is now with Yayasan Khazanah, shared his view on how the market is doing right now, as well shared with us some Economic concepts i.e J curve, stimulus, etc.

and there we were, both Nazreen and i, listening to news in the economic world.

and of course, you just can't escape discussing about politics nowadays. especially abou thte situation in Perak.

back to the economic discussion, i guess i need to relook at how i'm gonna spend my cash. from what i gained from this night and from our previous discussions, the weather is going to be not good. it is not advisable to wash the clothes now, as you may find no sunshine at all to dry up the washed clothes.

need to save our money. to be prudent in daily spending.

and i just can't stop thinking that i should cancel the idea of going to NY at the end of this year.

nak simpan duit nak kawin lagi..

oh btw, happy quarter century birthday to Shasha. of all things that you want for your birthday, it's a bit hard to decide which one it should be.

dear readers, listed below are items that Shasha would love to have for her birthday present. but i have some reservation on each item. need your input please?

• book - obviously the main choice. but unfortunately she is a regular visitor to Kinokuniya. we sometimes bought books together. so macam kelakar pulak? unless ada special edition or limited edition buku laa... someone even suggested book voucher?
  
  
• ty beanie babies - macam dah selalu bagi benda ni la plak for her birthday.
  
  
• sony vaio - hahaha..gila apa?
  

circus in Perak

Perak Speaker Suspends MB And Entire Executive Council

well, being an UMNO supporter, i condemn this act of unjust, nondemocratic and unfair!

OK, enough on the one-sided argument.

with this troublesome news, seems like our hope for political stability in Perak just been washed down the drain.

am not gonna comment on current situation, as i only got the news from the mainstream media. i will try to read through the alternative media, as if to get some understanding on why the action was taken. (if i rajin laa)

before i end my one-sided announcement, let us all ponder..

what the hell happened to the Northern Region Economic Corridor?

...always losing my line of thought....

"Did I ever tell you I was struck by lightning seven times?

Once when I was in the field, just tending to my cows.
Once when I was just sittin' in my truck just minding my own business.
Once when I was repairing a leak on the roof.
Once I was just crossing the road to get the mail.
Once, I was walking my dog down the road.

Blinded in one eye; can't hardly hear. I get twitches and shakes out of nowhere; always losing my line of thought. But you know what? God keeps reminding me I'm lucky to be alive."

---Mr Daws to Benjamin, in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"---

Su sent me a wonderfully written poem, through email, last Monday. The poem written by Brain Andrew Chalker, was about the people surrounding us, and the purpose of their existence. I must say, during the early days when i first saw her, it was for Reason. As we got to know each other better, it became Season. And now, with things happening there and then, will i ever be considered as Lifetime? i'm afraid i do not have the answer for that.

“Reason, Season, Lifetime”

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

— A poem by Brian Andrew "Drew" Chalker

that particular email, together with a little conversation i had with my counterpart in one of the OPU, set the tone for the day.

i remembered during the first week of 2009, i kept telling myself that, "She is the one. I must work hard to get her". but now, doubts are surrounding me, like bees surrounding the full-bloom flowers, like flies surrounding piles of rubbish, like people crammed up in the moshpit and like virus and worms hogging up Server's system resources.

and now, as the date of my transfer looming nearer and nearer, i found myself repeating the same questions over and over again.

will they miss me?
will i miss them?

and, am i behaving like the old Malay proverb says,
"Kuman di seberang laut nampak, gajah di depan mata tak nampak"?

i was playfully asking Wawa to find me a girlfriend, when Nabil who overheard the conversation asked me, "Mil, ko penah ada girlfriend tak?". When i replied yes, and asked him why did he asked that question, he told us, "takdela, aku ada kawan dia tak penah ada girlfriend. kitorang ingat dia gay!"

ROTFLOL!

i'm lucky to be alive.

post V-Day

ain't this sweet or what?

the Northern pandemonium

i initially planned to go out for a swim on this lovely Valentine's Day, but either by luck or choice, i ended up surfing the Net, updating myself with have been happening all this while. i rarely read newspaper and watch the dumb-box, so basically most of my awareness of what's happening around me revolved around Facebook, BBC News and Google News.

today, i found myself browsing through RPK's entries (this one in particular caught Malaysian's attention). while cramming inputs on why US economy falters (click here).

newsflash: plan to Melaka for "ikan-bakar" at Umbai is officially canceled.

so, after all this hullabaloo on the situation in Perak, i found myself more and more becoming Najib's fan. why? because he has the cunningness and leadership capability that one needs in order to maneuver and masterminded whatever happened in the Perak power tussle.

after the "Bota incident", many were caught surprise with what happened. has UMNO lost its power? are its members losing faith on the party's struggle? Najib swiftly removed Tajol Rosli from his post, and appointed himself as the Chief of Perak's UMNO.

PR leaders hailed Nasarudin action, saying that he is doing the right thing, and "more is expected to come", as part of Anwar's plan to form Federal government via defection and party hopping by BN elected-representatives.

BN's lawmakers were screaming with "we need to have a look at this anti-party-hopping Act!", unknowingly that they were left in the dark, without any slightest idea of what will transpired.

then, came the "Betrayal of the betrayer"

brushing aside the claims that those defectors were given rm10 million each (as RPK pointed out, he will do the same if he has the money!), the coin flipped. and it was not good for PR. BN gained slim majority in Perak's legislative, with the help of BN-friendly independent representatives.

BN people rejoiced.

PR leaders were screaming with "we need to have a look at this anti-party-hopping Act!", unknowingly that they were left in the dark, without any slightest idea of how these shits transpired.

clearly, i am repeating myself. thanks to copy and paste technology. with minor changes there and then.

So, did any of us expected this to happen? most observer felt that when Najib took over the power in Perak, it is to strength and solidify his position in Perak. after all, he will soon be our Prime Minister.

see, that's why i'm Najib's fan. he demonstrated that he is indeed Mahathir's understudy. he applied Dr M's version of Machiavellian real-politiks, and is riding high on its outcome.

as for Sultan Perak's decision.. ampun tuanku. daulat tuanku!

those ignorant fools praised the Royals when they overruled BN's decision in appointing MBs. now, when HRH decided that BN has the majority power, and removed Nizar from Menteri Besar seat, they became angry and lost their belief and respect to HRH. RPK pointed this one, and it is true.

When BN protested with the Royals decision to appoint their own candidate for MB position, PR mentioned that we should adhere to the Royals' wishes. Yes, UMNO protested. to the extent Pak Lah himself was called to meet with the Royals. and he finally agreed with the Royals' selection. why? because he needed their support. and the Royals' know that they own a trump card in dealing with state or federal government. gone were the days when the Royals were only spectators sitting on the substitute benches. they are key players in Malaysia's politics nowadays.

and now, when PR protested and go against HRH decisions, BN took advantage on this outburst by labeling these people as Derhaka kepada Sultan. and may i say, should i have much free time, i should lodge police report on citizens' publicly condoning/doing the action of treason to the Royals. go and surf any PR website, and you can find remarks bordering the thin fine line between expressing their voices and treason.

funny thing is, they pointed out that UMNO protested, even to the extent of condoning act of treason to the Royals. but what they failed to swallow is, why in the first place they failed to leverage on BN's mis-action?

they should actively used the party's Propaganda means to send the message across: "BN/UMNO disrespect the Royals". but nooo.. it is either a) they were too busy squabbling among themselves, b) they were naive, or c) they were just plain stupid to realize on how they can leverage on that to gain Royals' support. well, we should just as well dismiss option (b) tho.

pushing that aside (my my...there are piles of topics that I've brushed aside by now..), HRH Sultan Perak indeed did a right thing.

why?

rather than wasting money to conduct election, due to by dissolving the assembly, the focus should be on how Malaysia or in this case Perak can weather the economic recession that is looming into our horizon?
why should we waste party's money, state's money and not forgetting Fed's coffers, on having state-level by election, when those money can be channeled to projects and actions in ensuring people's welfare is taken care of?

i found it funny. while the whole world worries on the economic crisis, we are bickering on our political parties. all in the name of "for the rakyat's betterment and welfare". bah, humbug! are those MPs debating on how we should prepare to face the economic uncertainty, or is "party-hopping" is the IN thing in Dewan Parlimen?

let me make it clear. i'm an UMNO supporter, and is well aware of what it has become now. full of corruption and power abuse. but does that makes me condone these sinful activities? unfortunately, the answer is a resounding NO.

'duh.

the writer says hi to all readers. sorry for the long silence. either he stumbled on writer's bloc, or having too much on his plates nowadays, or he has become complacent, or he lost the interest to write, or he is just plain lazy.

the beginning....

watch this space...

as soon, new tenant will be moving in...

good bye.

and.

welcome.