Random entry #3465

Ever since people know that i'm moving out to sabah, without fail they will ask me this,
"why sabah?"
Truth be told, even i'm not too sure about it. But as mentioned in the previous post, i feel as if i'm given a new lifeline to start all over again.
Then, suddenly i think i know the answer. The answer to why i am more than willing to leave beloved ones, friendly colleagues and familiar surroundings.
To some, i told them it's because the company wants me. And it is best for me to respond positively, for you might not get the chance again in near future. To some, it is about taking up new challenges. This new job is something that i have never done before. So i need to learn, unlearn and relearn. To some, it is about taking myself to the next level. To some, it is about starting all over again. For throughout my years in peninsular, i've gone through some shittiest moment (although i'm not complaining, because i know there are others who face with much more challenging situation than me), and i've screwed up a lot than i ever imagined. So, it's high time for me start new.

Deep inside me, i think it's more about learning to stand on my own two feet. To be by myself. To be independent. For all this time, i envy those studying at overseas. Not because of they were there, but more on that they are lucky to be given the opportunity to be their own. The exposure they gained. Unlike me. So, this is also why i'm more than willing to be transferred here.

And i also feel that this would be the test for me, whether those feelings i felt back then is genuine or not. Also, as a measurement stick to know am i that important to the people that i'm leaving behind. Alas, putting my family aside, i realised that not all is what it may seems to be.

And truth is, i'm starting to miss home. Who doesn't? For the first time of my life, home is not a drive away. But i need to be strong. For i need to stay positive all the time. As i thought that i'm struggling adapting to new environment, others are being depressed with their current environment. I can't afford to make them worry about me, so i will have to share this positive-ness with them.

Once i told my new colleagues, that i am still in anti social mode. And she was surprised with that, considering how i behaved during our lunch session. This was when i shared with few of us, that i prefer to live alone for time being. Than he chipped in, "he just need some time alone to recharge". And i nodded my head to agree with his statement. My point is, i'm recharging. But if you need me, feel free to call me. The least i could do is to listen to your grievances.

Ok, habis dah sesi luahan hati.