Received this from Ms Stalker, as she is now the official unofficial adviser :)
please share with me your opinion on this entry.
edited on 18th Sept: she forwarded this "entry" to me. perhaps she got it somewhere from the Net :) keep the inputs coming!
Azamil. Read this.
This is a famous phrase: Nice guys finish last.
It’s true.
Well, most of the time anyway. Actually, more often than not, 12 out of 15, it happens to every sorry dudes out there in the whole wide world.
I actually try to avoid this topic because it is painfully uncomfortable, like being friends with someone who pronounces the word mature as ‘mare-chert’. You don’t quite know how to react. Also, the other reason would be that everyone is prone to experience the whole Nice Guys Finish Last thing, and that means I am included in it as well.
Which explains the hesitation.
When a nice guy likes you, his interest and awe are transparent. And transparency when it comes to something sacred like feelings, it leads to weakness for his side and power for the other. At this stage, you know you can do whatever you want and he will still think you’re worth it.
Why do girls do that? We’ve had so much of complaining over heartless jerks who cheated on us but when a nice guy comes into our life we treat him like puppet on strings. It is puzzling, but I believe the concept still lies in the tricky and infamous human nature, ‘You always want what you can’t have.’
You see, a nice guy lets his feelings for you be displayed 24/7. As much as we appreciate the effort, when something is being handed to us that easy, where’s the challenge? We’ve all been there before, one of the best things in courting is the rush you get when he FINALLY calls or when he FINALLY replies your texts. Everybody likes to play a little mind game when it comes to these things. Being easy is not a choice, expecially if you need to know if that person’s worth it.
With a nice guy, there’s no walls to be put down, no mysteries of the mind to be solved, no balls bouncing in our(or his) court. It is like playing connect the dots where the end result is simply a straight line. It is not exciting, it is just… there, at your service, like an obedient dog, waiting to be pet and stroked. honestly, it can be irritating.
Despite all that, girls seem to need to have Nice Guys around, which explains the whole Nice Guys Finish Last scenario. They’ll always be with the girl of their dreams, but never needed enough, never wanted fully. They’re just there to give the girls a sense of security, that they’re still wanted eventhough the guys they like don’t seem to be.
I’ve had a couple of guy friends who are caught in the Nice Guy web. I can only give them my condolences. Truthfully, the moment you let a girl knows that you are a possible Nice Guy, you’re dead. You’d ALWAYS and forever be in the lower end of the see-saw. Because you know why? Girls know the exact game to play with Nice Guys. Just like Dumped Girls, they’re easy to read like a book.
It’s easy. The trick is to give them just enough attention to feed them a glimmer of hope that they might have a chance to get you. Maybe you go out on a date with them, say a couple of nice words that are so full of promises. That’ll get them happy, and even more hooked, them poor bastards. At the same time, you have to let them know, whether conciously or subconciously that you’re not interested in a relationship, or the best thing yet, that you are not aware that they have a crush on you.
Any of these sounds familliar? You bet. Because this happens all the time.
The sucky thing when you’re already stuck being a Nice Guy, is that it is hard to rectifiy the situation. Say, you might just realized that damn it, all these while, she’s just been toying around with you, using you to be her driver or to accompany her somewhere when she has no one to go with. Well, then you vow to ‘play hard to get’. You restrain yourself from immediately answering her calls or replying her text. You tell her you’re busy to let her know that you are not easily toyed around with, all these, in hoping that she will come to her senses and realize she is missing out on a huge thing.
She does, really, be rest assured, only that the feelings only comes when she has lost you. The moment you come back in her life, it’s back again to square one. She is again secured by the fact that you can never resist her, always have to come back to her, always will. She’d only have to regularly be in touch with you, call you as to not dampen you interest, that is all.
My advice to all these Nice Guy out there is: Get Out. Honestly. Try, try hard, because there’s really nothing you can do to change the course. Because whatever you do, you’ll always be the guy who is easily accessible, someone she can get WHENEVER she wants. Unless she really has come to her senses (which happens only about one in forty hundred) you shouldn’t hope.
Another advice would be, if you’re interested in a girl, NEVER let her know that you are hopelessly falling for her, because it sort of diminish your chances EVER. I’ll say it from my point of view, the moment I get the vibe that this guy has the kind of crush that he’s probably willing to do stuff for me, the rush deflates. At worst, I’d probably be flinging him off(I’ve come a long way to play around with Nice Guys, the aftermath is always messy and emotionally taxing), at best, I’d probably feel sorry for him and feels guilty all the time, which is not what I want out of this package!
So I’m saying, you don’t have to be an asshole and cheat off on her or anything. Let her know you think she’s sweet, but have a LIMIT. Let her think (and believe it in as well) that you don’t like to be wasting your time, if she’s not interested, you will move on (which is a sound advice to everyone of us, I might say).
A little mystery helps to make great relationships. Okay, that’s lame. But you get my point.
floor is open for discussion. care to share with us your opinion or experiences?
